Sunday, April 22, 2007

Umm...socks.

I added some new pictures of my cats. Note the one of Posey with the sock. She has always loved my socks. Only mine. She carries them in her mouth, throws them up in the air attempting to catch them, rolls unto her back with the sock in her front paws kicking at it with her back paws. The fat cat just lies there watching. She isn't into socks. She loves her string. I have never seen or heard of a cat obsessed with socks before.

The other day I came home and there were 5 on the floor upstairs and 3 downstairs. Friday I came home and there were 6 upstairs and 2 downstairs. Last night there was only 1 upstairs and 2 downstairs. In case you are wondering where they are all coming from; I have yet to fold the socks sitting in my laundry basket and put them away. This is how she is getting her little paws on them. I picked them up and put them back in the basket each day, but this didn't stop her. She just really really loves socks. Last night I was thinking about how long those socks have been sitting in that basket and how lazy I am with getting laundry put away and how I really should take care of them. But why take her fun away, right?

Thursday, April 19, 2007

The Crazy Thoughts of Single Women

My students are in the process of working on an audio project where they provide the character voices for an animated film. I really wanted this to be high-tech project with professional looking results. So, I contacted the media department and, to my delight, they said they were not only willing to let us use their recording studios, but do all the recording for us as well. Yesterday was our first "take" (notice how I am using the lingo now) and my students did a fantastic job. I had wondered to myself whether or not the graduate student who would be doing the recording would be cute. I do this all the time. I go to a meeting, the gas station, or even into Walgreen's thinking maybe there will be someone cute there and he will sweep me off my feet. Did you ever hear someone say: "I met my husband at the gas station. It was very romantic! (sigh)" There never is, of course. So I headed into the studio yesterday with my coffee stained pants (see previous post), my hair in a ponytail, and no make up on. And yep, you guessed it! He was rather attractive. Very cute, really nice, sharp and stylish dresser, good sense of humor, smart and, most importantly, wearing a Tigers hat! I instantly felt myself blush and looked down at my jeans to see how apparent the coffee stain was in the studio lighting. Difficult to see it, thank goodness. We sat down and started recording.

Overall, we didn't say much. Mainly we talked about the recording, when/if we should do a do-over, and how it was going. There isn't anything very interesting to note about our conversation. As per usual, he didn't show much interest in me. I was very nervous. The thoughts that were running through my head and the things I imagined! I kept wondering if he could smell the stale coffee or see the stain on my jeans. I wondered if he had a girlfriend, how old he was, what his "type" was. At one point, I noted his Tigers hat, asking if he was a fan. He said yes and I shared that I was one as well. A few moments later I imagined him turning to me and saying: I know this probably isn't the best time to ask, but would you like to go to a game with me sometime? How ridiculous is that? I am sure that was the farthest thing from his mind. I was chewing on my fingers out of nervousness and kept wondering whether or not he noticed and did he think it a disgusting habit. He smiled at me a couple of times but, overall, didn't show much interest.

When were finished and getting ready to leave, I told him if he had any questions he could just email me. He said he wouldn't need to pretty quickly. So I left thinking that he somehow must have heard all those crazy thoughts in my head. I will see him again on Monday and, naturally, I don't want to show up in a ponytail with no make-up again. But I also don't want him to think I am interested and spend the whole session hoping I don't hit on him. But then again, as he is only a graduate student he is probably way too young for me anyway. So none of this even matters. Ah, the joys of being single as I often say.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Oops

Last week at rehearsal I spilled coffee all over the front of my jeans. I had to sit with my pants cold and sticking to my legs and reeking of coffee, for the remainder of rehearsal. I got home and changed into my pajamas later that evening. Apparently I got up the next morning and as I was tidying up I picked up the jeans, forgetting about the "coffee catastrophe" from the night before, folded them up, and put them away neatly in my drawer.

This morning as I was choosing something to wear I went to my jeans drawer, out of habit, pulled them out, and put them on. It took me until about half way through the day (after I had smelled something a bit stale but couldn't place it). I looked down and saw a giant stain covering both legs and, yes you guessed it, my crotchal region. Oh joy. One can only hope no one noticed. That's what I get from trying to better about keeping my bedroom picked up.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

bye bye blues

It's nice to know that although it can be tough to shake things off at times, if you keep on shaking you'll get there. Regardless of all the negative thoughts that kept threatening to take over my birthday, in the end, it turned out to be a pretty good day.

The cast of the show I am directing surprised me with a little singing and a lot of ice cream cake. Yes, I know, the "Blue's Clues" theme may seem a bit juvenile but it's a long story. I have to admit, it was nice to get a surprise like that, and to feel special on one's birthday. I mean, who doesn't want that, right?

The evening ended with some Tomb Raider action at my friend Melissa's house. As she put it, we made some real nice progress. The game playing, mixed with the traditional green olives, triscuits, and assortment of cheese spread (yes, we take our game playing very seriously folks), some rum and diet colke (hee hee...sorry, inside joke), and fantastic company, made for a really nice birthday celebration.

And just like that...poof! Yesterday's dark mood disappears in a puff of smoke.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

A Birthday Wish

Well, today is the day. A few Happy Birthdays from some very good friends have already been sent my way. And I just received a birthday card from my mother and father. It goes something like this:

Today is your day, Daughter.
It's a day to look back and celebrate
all the ways you've grown and changed
and blessed the lives of those around you.
It's a day to look forward
to the many exciting moments ahead-
moments just waiting for you to live them
in your own unique way,
with laughter and beauty and grace.
And it's a day to remind you
of two important things:
You are a beautiful gift to this world.
And you are always, always loved.

My mother has always done that. She is one of those people who stands in the card aisle for hours, looking for the perfect card; the card that says exactly how she feels and just what that person needs to hear.

Interesting. It is just a Birthday card but it made me sit and think. It's a day to look forward to the many exciting moments ahead- moments just waiting for you to live them... I am not sure why I find this so difficult.

I can remember when I was 17. I had met this boy and was hoping he would ask me to the Homecoming dance. I was a Senior and I had never been asked to Homecoming, let alone Prom. I had confessed this secret wish to my mother and expressed my fears that it would never happen. My mother asked me to close my eyes. She told me to really see myself there, at the Homecoming dance with this boy. To picture my dress, his suit, the smile on my face. To see us dancing, with our arms around one another. I did as she asked and then I opened my eyes. She told me that if I could see it and believe it could happen, then it would happen. He asked me to the dance. He was my first boyfriend and my "first love", as the saying goes. She was right. It worked.

Of course it isn't that easy with everything. But this morning, on my 36th birthday, when I am having trouble not focusing on all the things I don't have, that I thought I would; I am realizing it is about hope. I am afraid to hope. I guess so much time has gone by I have somehow allowed hope to fizzle out of my life. So today, I will take a moment to close my eyes and really see myself exactly where I want to be. To picture myself in a wedding dress. To see the baby in my arms with him, whoever he may be, at my side. To picture my family outside in the backyard on a sunny day. And, one day at a time, I will do all I can to hold on to the hope that it will happen.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Happy Birthday to Me

I am turning 36 tomorrow. No, I am not too excited about this. Maybe 36 doesn't seem old to you, but I tell ya, it does to me. I feel very old. I feel this way mainly because I wanted to have so much more accomplished in my life by the age of 36. I never imagined, in my wildest dreams, that I would be living in my parents basement, very soon to be jobless, with not even a glimmer of hope for a relationship, and motherhood simply being a constant ache in my chest and lump in my throat. But, alas, I feel there isn't too much to gain from going on and on, wallowing in the negative. So, I have decided I would put down 36 things that make me happy. They are as follows:

1. spending time with my family
2. hanging out with my friends
3. playing with my neices and nephews
4. all the babies and little kids in my life
5. the time I have left with my friend before she moves away
6. the little bit of sun that has been in and out today
7. my cats
8. cheese, beer, and pizza
9. the swimming pool
10. movies
11. my cute clothes and my flip flops that I get to wear soon
12. my master's degree
13. singing
14. music
15. the trees and the sky
16. toenail polish
17. my make up
18. the casino
19. video games like the tomb raider I am playing right now
20. the sun that is on it's way
21. my car
22. my new windshield wipers
23. card games
24. microwave popcorn
25. going to the movies
26. the popcorn at the movies
27. homemade choclate chip cookies (you know who you are)
28. my mom's cooking
29. lying in the sun
30. my hoop earrings
31. sleeping
32. driving with the windows down when it's sunny and warm out
33. holidays
34. camping
35. fishing
36. and me, i guess