A Birthday Wish

Well, today is the day. A few Happy Birthdays from some very good friends have already been sent my way. And I just received a birthday card from my mother and father. It goes something like this:

Today is your day, Daughter.
It's a day to look back and celebrate
all the ways you've grown and changed
and blessed the lives of those around you.
It's a day to look forward
to the many exciting moments ahead-
moments just waiting for you to live them
in your own unique way,
with laughter and beauty and grace.
And it's a day to remind you
of two important things:
You are a beautiful gift to this world.
And you are always, always loved.

My mother has always done that. She is one of those people who stands in the card aisle for hours, looking for the perfect card; the card that says exactly how she feels and just what that person needs to hear.

Interesting. It is just a Birthday card but it made me sit and think. It's a day to look forward to the many exciting moments ahead- moments just waiting for you to live them... I am not sure why I find this so difficult.

I can remember when I was 17. I had met this boy and was hoping he would ask me to the Homecoming dance. I was a Senior and I had never been asked to Homecoming, let alone Prom. I had confessed this secret wish to my mother and expressed my fears that it would never happen. My mother asked me to close my eyes. She told me to really see myself there, at the Homecoming dance with this boy. To picture my dress, his suit, the smile on my face. To see us dancing, with our arms around one another. I did as she asked and then I opened my eyes. She told me that if I could see it and believe it could happen, then it would happen. He asked me to the dance. He was my first boyfriend and my "first love", as the saying goes. She was right. It worked.

Of course it isn't that easy with everything. But this morning, on my 36th birthday, when I am having trouble not focusing on all the things I don't have, that I thought I would; I am realizing it is about hope. I am afraid to hope. I guess so much time has gone by I have somehow allowed hope to fizzle out of my life. So today, I will take a moment to close my eyes and really see myself exactly where I want to be. To picture myself in a wedding dress. To see the baby in my arms with him, whoever he may be, at my side. To picture my family outside in the backyard on a sunny day. And, one day at a time, I will do all I can to hold on to the hope that it will happen.