Happy

Maybe I should change the name of this blog? I came up with this title, over 2 years ago, when I felt like I was just about there, where I wanted to be; content and at peace in the present moment. It was almost as if everything I have learned in the past two years was already there, inside me. Like I knew it, but couldn't find the words to express it or hadn't a clue how to put it into fruition. I was almost happy; teetering precariously on the fine line between just accepting my life as it is and all that brings with it (a sense of balance, a feeling of peace, and thankfulness for everything I have...even the simplest things like the fact that I'm alive) and going on about my life the way I had been; pissing and moaning about all the things I wanted and didn't have, playing the victim, dwelling on problems, and making everything INTO a problem. I think I know what it was that tipped the scale and although, at the time, I could never have imagined being thankful for THAT, I am very thankful, indeed. But there is no borderline anymore and, aside from being human, no disorder. There is just happiness. I am certainly not implying that I am happy 100% of the time or never struggle with things; I do, all the time. The difference now is that I finally understand that happiness is a choice. No matter what happens, even though I might catch myself getting wrapped up in worry or frustration or disappointment for a moment (or sometimes two), I now know that I can choose happiness over any of those other states of mind. I can choose happiness and I can choose it every time. All I have to do is just surrender. And surrendering is not weakness, it is inner strength. At times I am blown away by how simple it really is, how easy it can be. And sometimes it isn't easy, sometimes I fight it and find myself just simply wanting to feel bad. But, all I have to do is remind myself that I have a choice, that happiness IS a choice and ask myself this simple question: "Why wouldn't I choose it?" I have yet to come up with a logical answer for that one. So, no more borderline and no more disorder.