It is fascinating to me how much life has to do with balance. I heard once that someone asked the Dali Lama what the key to happiness was and he responded with just one word: "Balance". I can't tell you how much I believe that to be true. What made me think about that today? Well, I took the day off to do...what? Well, nothing really. I just wanted a day to myself. Kind of funny, actually, as I used to hate so desperately to be alone. Then? Then, all I wanted to do was to spend all of my time alone. And now? You guessed it, a little bit of both, thank you very much. Balance. I was able to sleep in today. So nice. Usually the sun is up and I am up. It just doesn't feel right to me, I guess, to sleep the day away. Sure enough 7:30 hit and, eyes wide, I sat up in bed. I decided to give it a shot and got back under the covers. I laid there, sort of just enjoying the quiet stillness, and to my surprise drifted back off to sleep. It wasn't until about 10 minutes until 9:00 that I woke again. Feeling nice and rested, I got up and headed straight for the coffee pot. What to do with my day? Naturally, I went straight to facebook, then on to youtube to get a Gavin fix. After checking emails, seeing what was going on in the world, and playing with the cats; I moved on to things I don't get the chance to do very often. Laying in the bathtub and reading; plucking my eyebrows, shaving my legs, painting my toes. You know, girl things. I am a girl, just in case you hadn't noticed, but have never been a "girly-girl". I like to look nice; wear make up, put on some high heels, a sexy shirt and some tight jeans. But, I am also comfortable in my knee length slippers, baggy sweater, sweat pants, with no make up on and my hair in a pony tail. What do I feel my best in? Somewhere in between there. I started to work on my eyebrows and found myself taking a good, long look at my face and thought "What happened? Where did these wrinkles come from? And my eyelids? They are beginning to droop". There are wrinkles in between my eyes and lines around my mouth. I can't lie, taking the time to really look at how "old" my face is starting to look could prove to be a bit depressing. But you know what's beautiful? I can move my face around and up and down, contort it any way I like, but the only way those lines will match up is if I smile. I smile and I watch the skin of my face slowly draw in and finally find its home in between those wrinkles and lines. My point? I would never have botox or any type of surgery to fix this. I will age gracefully and embrace all of changes my face will go through. They are part of who I've been and part of what I've become. They represent the fact that although I have struggled a great deal in my life, mostly self-inflicted, what I have done more than anything is smile. But, I won't let myself fall apart either as many women do. I will continue to pluck and shave and primp; wear make up, wear cute clothes that make me feel good, and make the most of what I have. I will find comfort in the happy medium. It's like that with everything in my life. With drinking, dieting, and exercising; with money and with love (some for you and some for me). And I know that it's what I am longing for with where I am at spiritually. I have gone through many changes in this aspect of my life and I am still searching for that happy medium. I am looking for a nice balance between what I feel is true and what I want to be true. And I like that about myself. I like that I don't have to label myself as anything. I don't have to say "I am a christian" or "I am a Buddhist". I believe a little of both, to be honest. I don't get stuck under the umbrella of one belief system and that gives me the freedom to search and explore. I don't have to say "I like country music" or "I like alternative music". I like all kinds of music and I love to sing. That's what matters. Music is a part of me; a very big part of me. I used to walk into a room and think "I hope these people like me". I went from that to walking in and thinking "I hope I like these people". And now I don't think anything really; I just hope we all have a good time. Allowing myself to like whatever I like, to think and feel whatever I may, allows me to find a balance, to live in the happy medium, and allows me to be a bigger, fuller person. I don't have to be a specific kind of person. I don't have to be anything. I simply have to live my life; trusting myself, my instincts, and my heart. Not wanting or needing to be something, but instead, just allowing myself to be.